“Practice listening. Practice YOU questions. Practice the use of conversation to help a child grow in self-worth and confidence.”

       ~Martha Bullock 

Parenting isn’t rocket science, but I consider it to be one of the most challenging (and rewarding) jobs of all time.  It takes alot of hard work and conscious effort.  It also takes conversation.  Yes, this means you have to talk to your children! I can hear each and every one of you saying “I talk to my child.”  Did you know that we, as parents, spend an average of 7 minutes a day conversing with our children?  Yes…about seven minutes a day!  This seven minute conversation (which usually comes in bits and pieces) typically involves a few commands such as “Put your coat away.” Or,  ”You need to take the trash out.”  It might also involve a few questions that require short answers such as “How was your day?”  Or, “Do you have any homework?”  Our children might respond with a few questions of their own…”Can I watch T.V.?” or “Can I have a snack?” 

 I want you to think back….how long has it been since you’ve had an actual conversation with your child?  A conversation where you stopped “multi-tasking” and devoted “sitdown” time…much like you would if it were your best friend or neighbor?  Kids love to share what’s going on in their lives…if given the opportunity.  There is so much you can learn about your children just by listening to them! I want you to try something…schedule time to have a conversation with your child.  I know, they may look at you as if you’re from another planet!  But, do it anyway!  Better yet (so that you don’t get the funny stares), ask your child to help you with a project.  I find that kids really open up when they are engaged in an activity with you.  So, when you’re craving a little conversation with your child, invite them to cook dinner with you.  I guarantee your conversation will last longer than 7 minutes!

“The best inheritance a parent can give his children is a few minutes of his time each day.” 

~Orlando A. Battista

 

I’m not sure about you, but I came from a family where silence was emphasized and revered.  My sisters and I knew from an early age that quiet play was the “best” play, and we rarely deviated from this unless we were outside.  Please don’t misunderstand me, silence and the benefits of being with one’s self certainly has it’s place.  However, with our quiet childhood came a lack of conversation. There were so many times that I wanted to tell my mother or father something…something important, but I rarely mustered the courage.   

It wasn’t until my early twenties that I became aware of how much kids hunger for regular conversation with the adults in their lives.  I will never forget this day…I was a new caseworker, and I was taking my 9 year-old client to see her mother who happened to be incarcerated at the time.  We were just talking…talking about her animals, living with her aunt, missing her mother, and whatever else came to her mind.  All of the sudden, she very curtly asked “Why are you talking to me this way?”  I was quite taken aback, and admittably confused.  I thought I was doing what any good caseworker would do…talk to my clients.  So, I asked “What do you mean?”  She said “You don’t talk to me like I’m a stupid kid…you talk to me like you would any other grown-up.”  I had to think for a few moments, and I was able to genuinely explain that I never really thought of her as a stupid kid, but rather as an individual who had important things to say.  How many times, as adults, have we been so busy saying “no”, “hurry up”, and “don’t argue with me” that we have forgotten to actually speak with our children?  How long has it been since you’ve actually sat down with your son or daughter and had a conversation with them?  You see, the conversation can be about anything…anything at all.  The key is to have a conversation. Our kids have so much to say and share.  You might be amazed at how much wisdom they really have.  Kids need to know that they matter, and the best way to do this is through conversation.  My challenge to you is to sit down and have a conversation with your child(ren)….have a cup of hot cocoa and just talk.